Sunday, March 28, 2004

 
When Will It Stop?








I am so sick and tired of feeling like this. No matter what I do I still feeling the same... worthless ... I don't understnad why I can't shake it off of me... I have tried, and I thought I had suceeded by the end of this past week, but I didnt... it comes back right when I feel my best. Right when I feel special and important and happy to be alive, that feeling gets shot out from underneith me. When I feel comfortable with the fact I have gained weight from my surgery and set up plans to get it off, I am overwhelmed by a feeling of being ugly and fat. When I feel happy and important in the lives of other people, I now feel shuned and uncared for. I know in my heart I am, but I can't shake the doubt...I can't...you'd think after a weekend spent with some of my favoritest people in the whole world that I would be able too, but I can't.... People admire me for the unconditional love I show to everyone...alot of the time its because I need reassurance that people love me back....the more I do it, the less secure I am feeling. I want to be me again. I want to be the smart, funny, athletic, respected, loved, steadfast in my faith woman I used to be. God, please...please help me get back to that.... I don't know how much longer I can stand my present goings in life....please...
posted by Jenni 4:11 PM