Sakura Saku

2004-12-08T10:07:00.000-05:00

...=___=...

Wow... its been a while since I've posted anything here....oops... Guess I've been a little busy this semester... Well, my exam week is now over, and I feel like I've done rather well on all my exams, Im not sure yet about my GSCI one though, but I hope I did well. I get to go home tomorrow, which reminds me that I need to call my mom and ask her when she is comming to get me so I can sign up for a sign out time. I hope there's one left for me... =( Yeah... thats about it for now...

2004-07-16T22:48:00.000-04:00

Wish you were here! Love, Me (I'm at the Outer Banks for a week, so untill then, have a safe and pleasent summer, and hopefuly afterwards too....)

2004-07-08T23:31:00.000-04:00

b> ......

I saw POA for the third time today.... and I think I have a problem....and I discovered another reason why being 20 sucks...

..........

2004-07-08T23:22:00.000-04:00

.........

2004-07-05T23:13:00.000-04:00

Biggest Upset of The Summer

Yeah, so I was casuualy browsing nausicaa.net and clicked to read the news. Then I cliked to read the news from the past. And I got very pissed off...they delayed the dvd release of Nausicaa and the rest of the Miyazaki movies that were set to come ou the 31 of Aug. Watching an un-torn-apart version of nausicaa was going to be the highlight of my summer. And now the relesase date is uncertain. Grrrrr... I hate Disney...they always do this when they dub Miyazaki's movies.... Castle in the Sky was supose to come out back in 1999...and it didn't actualy come out untill I believe 2003, which I found out hen my roommate gave me a copy for my birthday. What the crap.... ::sigh:: well, I guess I'll give in and go buy a copy of Grave to watch, since my Nausicaa money is going to go to waste.... poop on you Disney....

....i'm verry pissed off...

2004-06-22T00:44:00.000-04:00

I found this amusing........hehehe

2004-06-21T00:25:00.000-04:00

Oops

yeah...went over bandwith limit again..sorry for the red x's...

2004-06-16T23:49:00.000-04:00

Random

Ok, I've seen this in a few peoples bloggs, so I decided to do it. I've put my media player on shuffel for all the music on my computer and these are the first 15 that cycle through.
1. A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton
2. F***ing in Rythm and Sorrow- The Sugarcubes
3. Eat the Menu- The Sugarcubes (ok, start shuffeling better)
4. Play Dead- Bjork
5. Modir- Bjork (yeah... there is alot of icelandic Bjork songs in here...)
6. No Such Thing- John Mayer
7. My Fart Will Go On- Weird Al (hahahahahhahaa!!! I forgot about that one =P)
8. Birthday (Icelandic Version)- The Sugarcubes (ok, enough already, I know I have more than that)
9. Wrapped Around Your Finger (Cover)- Tori Amos
10. Duvet- BOA
11. Requiem- Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind Soundtrack
12. Deep Water- Jewel
13. High and Dry- Radiohead
14. Engel- Rammsteine
15. I'm Trading My Sorrows- Darrl Evans

well, that was an interesting mix, from Bjork to Contemporary Christian. Heheh, ok, I'm done now! byE!

2004-06-15T22:27:00.000-04:00

Time Sucks

Yeah, so I have decided even though it is an abstract concept and doesn't actually exist in a physical sense, time is a nugget. Sometimes it is a good thing, like when you are stuck doing something crappy and you have like 1 second left or you have a huge project to do and you could use all the seconds you could possibly get. But, when you sit down and think about it, it sucks. Its like the weather, you can't control it or stop it, you can only make the best of it, lemons into lemonade. I'm bored as sh** and I wish that time would but I also wish it would slow down. I'm going to be a college junior this coming semester... wow...it all still seems so new to me... it couldn't have been that long since my Freshman year...it couldn't have been that long since beachweek, it couldn't have been that long since I graduated from high school, it couldn't have been that long since prom...crap....it is going by too fast... I see all of my younger friends graduating and going to prom and it kinda makes me sad... I guess I had never really imagined anything past high school... I didn't even know if I'd be able to go to college... my parents didn't save any money for me, so I thought I wasn't going... so now at the point that I am standing ( if I don't go to grad school to get my masters) I have two years until I'm out finding a job and being on my own. And I am terrified. All my good friends seem to have boyfriends that they may end up staying with and moving away with and I will be stuck here alone or with my asshole family which will drive me to insanity. I just don't see joy in my future at all. Not at all. Everyone will leave me like all my mom's friends left her. No one will call me, no one will come visit because they will have their own lives and their own children and I will probably be so pissed off that I won't want to see them anyways. I will live alone is some s****y apartment that doesn't allow pets so all I'll have is a f****** fish and projects to grade. So I need to get my masters so I can make more money and then maybe I will have something desirable and I can just get used for the rest of my f****** life, going to church alone and getting used, that's the rest of my life... I wish I could stop time, I liked where I used to be, where my mom didn't drink, my sisters respected and loved me, and my friends came to play every day, and I was too naive to know what the future holds for consumer whore American children.
Thats probably why I still have birthday parties, so I can relive those memories with my friends while I can before they all leave me. And this year I don't know what to do. Part of me just wants to say f*** it, might as well start now, and the other half needs to feel worthwhile and loved so badly that it cannot drop that part of my life. THis is why I'm so f****** stressed out. I ant out of here. I want to be back at school with my friends who don't drink and yell at me and threaten me and make me cry. I want to feel loved... I want to feel important... I want to be happy... I don't even care that I'll have 18 credits of classes, I just want out... Help me out...

2004-06-15T00:23:00.000-04:00

Bithday, Hehe

Hehe, I spelled it wrong on purpose, just to let anyone who doesn't get the inside joke know. Long story. Anyways, next Wednesday is my birthday and I haven't decided what to do yet. I can't break my on going tradition of going out with my friends to some water related activity like the pool or a waterpark yet! We've gone to all the waterparks in the area I think, so I'm guna have to come up with something new. My best idea so far is this: Spend the day at Rehobeth beach or spend the day at the beach, spend the night at a cheap hotel and return sometime in the afternoon the next day. I think it would be cool, so long as I can find lots of drivers. I don't think my mom will let me take her car, but we will see. I love the beach, and the beach+ friends would be even better. Rehobeth would be a good choice since there is a boardwalk and there are lots of things to do if we get board of the water. Yey! I hope people can come. I'm going to have to make invites or call people this week. Yep yep. Anyway, hmm, I guess people who read this would like to know what I have been up to lately. Well, not really anything. I've been working, and that's about it. It gets boring and crappy all the time and it makes my feet hurt so I cant walk the next day. But, I won't get started on complaining about work. Hehe, I bought Harry Potter stuff on ebay, they are these little figures that are ghetto and definitely bootleg, but I thought they were funny, so I had to get them. The picture is below.

ghetto...hehe

I am now a ebay junkie. I look for random things like this now. Heh heh. Oh, yesterday we went to Fairfax Fair. It was cool, I won a few things from games, most of which I gave to my sisters and kept one for myself. I won a carebear, a duck, and a pimphat. I gave the duck to my little sister cause she didn't play any games and didn't have a chance to win, and I gave the pimphat to my other sister, because she was pissed that I won all the games. Well, I should be off to bed soon, and that's all I have to say for now. Nite Nite!

2004-06-05T01:26:00.000-04:00

Life parallels

Yeyeyeyeyeyyeyeyeyey!!!!!!! I just got back from seeing PoA and it was awesome! So scary, I'm surprised it got only PG, makes me wonder what they're going to do with GoF. It's going to have to be PG13, or else they'd be cutting too much out, since they may have to cut it anyways for length. Im not too up to date on the indepth stuff of up coming movies, so if any one wants to correct me, they can.

Seeing the movie made me think about this one, my college life is kind of like Harry Potter. Don't laugh, you nuggets, I'm serious...minus the magic and quidditch and trees that eat birds and hit people, though that old oak on the quad has been looking quite vicious lately... anyways, while I don't live in a cupboard under the stairs, I did get shafted to my little sisters bedroom. The summers for me are like living with the Dursleys, I'm under lock and key, no fun, and no staying up late, though I do that anyways. Not to mention that my parents aren't exactly nice to me...sometimes I wonder if they enjoy me being home. Canterbury is like my Gryffindor, except we get keys and their are no fat lady paintings. And most of my good friends are there and we have our adventures and mysteries to solve, like the missing toilet paper, paper towels, 22 pieces of cheese, two tortilla shells and a bottled water. I don't have an owl, but I have a fighting fish...don't think he could carry letters too well. Speaking of mail, its just as exciting of a time as in Hogwarts. You go to your mail box and you're like, YES, MAIL! I haven't gotten a firbolt yet, but I can wait. Yeah... I feel like Harry right now. All I want most right now is to be back at school...even though I'd have work to do and all sorts of other things, I don't care... I belong there...Crap, its only the beginning of June... it's going to be a long summer... maybe Mae or someone can come with their flying car and save me...
I went to the eye doctor today to see what could be wrong with my eye. It is still twitching, and its been like three weeks. She said their wasn't anything visibly wrong, probably stress she said. Well, I don't know what could be stressing me out for three weeks straight. She also switched the prescription in my left eye, to see if maybe it was strain. If the stupid lid doesn't stop, I have to go to the regular doctor to find out what's wrong... It better stop...I don't want to go to the doctor... I don't want anything to be wrong with me. I've had enough of that, thank you very much. Maybe I'm unconsciously stressed from being at home... it's never happened before though, so I don't know if that could be it. It can't be exams like my doctor said, that was a month ago. Grr..I just hope it stops by it self...stupid eye... Well, that's about all that happened today... I should probably go to bed...my mom's snoring from the couch is getting annoying...she probably drunk too much... anyways, good night...

2004-06-03T13:16:00.000-04:00

Oops

Ok, my blog is having troubles, but I figured out why. My images host dumped me, so that's why the pictures are all gone. They're on my laptop, so its going to take a little more work to get them on my home computer to put them back up on my blog, so for now, you'll have to look at little red x's. sorries -_-; I've been bored out of my mind so far this summer, and surprisingly, I haven't been posting at all. You'd think I would with nothing better to do. But, I guess nothing interesting has been happening these last 3-4 weeks (I lost count). The cicadas are annoying, though fun to put on your little sister when she is outside tanning, and fun to put them in a ball sling shot and project them into the air and watch them fly off confused, and fun to burn the dead ones on the grill when no one is looking. They don't burn very well, though. What else have I done... I went on a road trip to Savannah, GA to pick up some stuff my friend left behind when she returned from SCAD. I finally found a job, which sadly is Bed Bath and Beyond again...grrr. Oh well, I have to make money to pay for my books and art supplies. Though, they cut all of the part timers hours, so so far I'm only working twice a week, which is crap. They better remember that I can't work on Sundays and not pull what they did last summer on me. What else... My bottom left eye lid has been twitching for three weeks now, so I am going to the doctor tomorrow to figure out why. My friend form Youth Group, Shannon, had a stroke a few weeks ago. She is doing a lot better then the last time I saw her, thank the Lord. I'm not sure how long her therapy will take, but I hope she can come to JMU soon. All of us in Canterbury will be there for her! =) Its sort of a reality check to realize that something so tragic can happen to anyone, even if they are 18. Its crazy =(. Tomorrow is Friday the 4th, you know what that means?... Harry Potter!!! I'm going to go see it at 9:40pm so I can take my sisters and so my friends who have work can come. I bought our tickets today. Should be an awesome movie, I'm excited! Hehehe. What else.... My bday is coming! I'm going to be 20... I don't want to be 20... it feels old... I still sometimes accidentally write that I am 18... I definitely don't look like I am 20...More like 12... My mom snuck me and my sisters into a craft fair saying I was 12...What the crap...that was offensive to me...What kind of 12 year old is endowed like this? Stupid peoples...Oh well, I guess I won't appreciate looking so young until I'm 30. Well, I think the laundry is all done, need to go stick it in the dryer. So, hopefully I will write more often. Bye!

2004-06-03T13:10:00.000-04:00

testing bloggerbot, ignore this, though it is cute =P

2004-06-01T14:05:00.000-04:00

I have no clue whats up with my blog, with all the things not showing up. i'll fix it soon. bye!

2004-05-01T00:20:00.000-04:00

Evanescence

There are a ton of things weighing on my sholders right now, and since I have no means to vent them in (im out of canvas and paper to paint on, and its kind of late to head to the gym) I have decided to write some poetry, its been a while, and I have massive problems with anger managing, so cut me a break. Here I go

I watch it all slip; through my fingertips I watch it fade away.
Like water, it cannot be retrieved, like grains of sand, too fine to pluck from the earth to which it has fallen.
Lost in a red sea of anger, shrills that will never reach ears of those who it will hurt most
Like a siren, yet to draw you from that certain death.
Our eyes once met, but no longer.
Into the chasm I have avoided all my life, you have leapt into, joyfully falling from your mantra.
What once was the solid foundation of your character has become your spring board into helplessness.
It is a long fall, and when you hit the bottom, its a long way up.
The first, you are not. The last, you are neither.
So I watch you plummet into the abys, as I have watched those dearest to me, and I can do nothing.
I cannot save you.
All I can do is stand here on my rock and weep, shaking clenched fists.
Onto scarred knees I fall, picking at grains of sand, digging for droplets of water
Asking, why?

2004-04-14T22:01:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Jenny's Blog!!

Crap, I forgot it was my blogs 1 year B-day, so, happy bday blog!! :HUG:

2004-04-06T01:31:00.000-04:00

Fortune Cookies

I was going through my desk drawer and I found all the fortunes from fortune cookies either I or other people have eaten this year. I thought of them all because tonight Bethany, Mae, and I got Chinese food. We were procratinating, and were hungry, so we ordered some food from Great Wok while watching random shows while channel surfing. So yeah, back to the fortunes, I am collecting them to use to cover a journal or in an art project some day. In boredome, I have decided to write them down for everyone. hehe.

The best way to get rid of an enemy is to make him a friend.
Good sense is the aster of human life.
You are contemplative and analytical by nature.
You constantly struggle for self improvement.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise and balance.
Your dearest wish will come true.
You will gain admiration from your peers.
Confucius say: lovers in triangle not on square.
Good sense is the aster of human life. (second one)
You have an active mind and a keen imagination.
You will travel far and wide for both pleasure and buisness.

Heh, believe you me, this isn't even an eighth of the fortunes I have at home. Yeah, I just thought it would be cool to put them in here. Some of them I don't get, like ,lovers in triangle, not on square. What does that mean? I understand a love triangle, but what is this about not being on a square? If anyone gets it, explain it to me in my tagboard. Isn't is funny how some fortunes are not fortunes at all, but more like advice slips. Its odd...

2004-04-02T12:43:00.000-05:00

Spring Time

Its spring time, so now there are cherry blossoms falling! enjoy!!

2004-03-28T16:11:00.000-05:00

When Will It Stop?

I am so sick and tired of feeling like this. No matter what I do I still feeling the same... worthless ... I don't understnad why I can't shake it off of me... I have tried, and I thought I had suceeded by the end of this past week, but I didnt... it comes back right when I feel my best. Right when I feel special and important and happy to be alive, that feeling gets shot out from underneith me. When I feel comfortable with the fact I have gained weight from my surgery and set up plans to get it off, I am overwhelmed by a feeling of being ugly and fat. When I feel happy and important in the lives of other people, I now feel shuned and uncared for. I know in my heart I am, but I can't shake the doubt...I can't...you'd think after a weekend spent with some of my favoritest people in the whole world that I would be able too, but I can't.... People admire me for the unconditional love I show to everyone...alot of the time its because I need reassurance that people love me back....the more I do it, the less secure I am feeling. I want to be me again. I want to be the smart, funny, athletic, respected, loved, steadfast in my faith woman I used to be. God, please...please help me get back to that.... I don't know how much longer I can stand my present goings in life....please...

2004-03-22T23:30:00.000-05:00

I have some new art posted, I'll get some writing in soon

2004-02-25T12:00:00.000-05:00

Even More Randomness!!!

Check out my art at deviantART!!!!

2004-02-19T18:19:00.000-05:00

More Randomness

For some reason, i don't think this one quite works out

Your future occupation by meteoric
Your name
Your future occupation	Astronaut
Yearly income	$139,966
Hours per week you work	45
Education	Local college graduate

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Hmmm...

What kind of Final Fantasy Character would I be? by TheBlueParadox
Your Name/Handle
Your Hair Style	Cute Bouncy Red
Your Clothing Style	Oversized Duster/Lots of Greys
Your Weapon of Choice	Spear
Your Mission	To Defeat My Evil Father.
Your Role in the Fantasy	Hero's Best Friend

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Yep, that's me!

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Everything
Special Talents Are	Looking Innocent

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

2004-02-16T16:55:00.000-05:00

Take'n it Back

Oh yeah, Alternative Spring Break, good times, good times.... who remembers this "one"!? We love you Fletcher!!! You rock!! =P

2004-02-14T15:53:00.000-05:00

hey everyone, my blog is having some technical difficulties, so, please be patient, i'll have it fixed in no time

2004-02-14T01:38:00.000-05:00

Random

Mwahahahaha! That's what I thought! "Evanescence...what a sad word..."

2004-02-13T04:12:00.000-05:00

Take Back Your Childhood

I think that as you get older, you lose some of the most interesting and creative parts of your mind. What I wouldnt give if I could relive a game of pretend at the neighborhood creek or a good pass-on story between a group of friends. Why do we have to leave such games in our past? Are we to just let society suck the creativity and imagination from the depths of our hearts? I guess I am lucky to be an art major, still able to express the innermost thoughts of my mind...but even still I feel this fresh wind of imagination being vaccumed from my life. As far back as I can remember, I used to make up stories and tell them to myself to help me fall asleep. As I grew older, these stories became more complex, full of plot twists and surprises. In highschool, I began to write them down and draw them out. These stories were for the most part the basis for all my artwork and free writing for school. My favorite of these stories that I made up was in the begining a direct rip-off from Final Fantasy Tactics. I used to online text role play in aol chatrooms when I was in 8th and 9th grade, my character based on the one I had made up in my head. She started out as Jennifer Rune Beoulve, If I remember right I was the daughter of Ramza and Ovelia (In my group there were people being both character) and I had a twin brother named Benjamin Beoulve. Oh yeah, we were the original Ben and Jen, partners in crime. It was sooo much fun rpg'ing with other people, and I didn't even know who they were in real life. I've saved some of the chatroom documents, but they are at home, maybe I'll post some of them sometime. Then there was an Agrias, she was my mentor. The person who played her also was Ovelia, so it was kind of confusing at times. Oh, it was so much fun, good times, good times. Then...I think something happend where my character had to go undercover, thats when she became Jade Oaks, an A kicking holy knight. I rememeber some kind of love story going on with this character and another...oh it was so long ago. AOL 2.0 days. I remeber his screen name I think...ShadowKnight****(I'll protect his idenitiy) The story changed like everyday, so I dont remember much... He was Prince...something....crap....anyways, I remember there was a fallout and all the people I RP'd with dropped AOL, and soon my family did too, and that was the last I ever role played. But, I would have to say that those times online durring my highschool years rocked. It was all I did everytime I was online, for hours at a time, on dial-up.

My senior year without AOL influence and being four years since the release of Final Fantasy Tactics, I began to change the story into my own, taking out obvious game references and adding other influential touches here and there, untill Jade Oaks became Jona Eiche (pronounced yo-na ike-hea, Eiche is Oak in German, Jona is a random Icelandic name I thought sounded cool =) ), . This story is what I consider one of my greatest creations of all time, though it remains in a stage of editing to this day. Jona has become from Princess Jennifer to common, pure breed Heilsgurridar (i dont remeber the spelling, but the English translation is, hehe, Holy Knight). Her mother was the greatest female 'Holy Knight' who had ever lived and her father the greatest male. I wount put too much of the plot in here, just incase I decided to post it in its entireaty, but here's alittle excerpt. To this point in the story, young Jona has been at the Rythar Academy for about a week and had entered her first 'Holy Knight' training class. Things go terriably wrong, and she ends up in the infirmary. This small excert is from her sickness induced dream, a vision of sorts:

Strange dreams flooded the aspiring 'holy knight's' head as her body struggled to recover from the (attack). She dreamed of battles, filling her ears with the sound of clashing steel and the gut retching cries of men and women being impaled by the opposing warriors. The blood and gore flashed like lightning in front of her eyes. No matter how hard she tried to pull away or close her eyes, the violence still continued, as if someone held her head between their hands and was forcing her to watch the gruesome sight. The forceful hands whipped her head around to focus on a different section of the battle. She stared into the distace and saw a knight, decked in a royal blue uniform with gold and silver fringe. The cloth was decorated with both the king's royal emblem and the burning bright (Holy Knight's) Cross; which was easly distinguishable by the two swords crossed at the tips pointing downwards with a ornate cross floating above them as hands folded in prayer sat below, the entire mark incircled with an olive wreath. The armor of the knight gleamed of bright luminescent siver. Most remarkable was the helmet. The silver wings that adorned it seamed to swoop in the wind as the knight destroyed several warriors that surrounded her, ending their lives in the traditional manner, decapitation. Focusing again on the knight's helmet, Jona noiced a strange shape that was holding the silver wings to the surface. They were acorns! Looking again at the wings, she noticed that waving oak leaves joined them in their graceful flight! Jona's heart rose into her throat. Th fighting around the heavenly knight seamed to move elsewhere for a moment. In the sudden break, the (Holy Knight) raised her visor to whipe the blood and perspiration from her face. Jona practicaly choaked at what she saw. Hints of brown hair flowed from the helmet to reveal the knight's face, but it was not the face of a man that she saw, it was that of a women and not just any women...i was herself! The vision of herself quickly closed the visor and the fighting began again. The echoing sounds of steel and gore flowed through Jona's ears again and a familiar voice shouting battle cries and orders to other knights joined the choir. The battle raged on for what seamed like years with the vision of Jona growing increasingly werry with each swing of her sword. Just then the whole scene grew dark, except for the (Holy Knight), who glowed like fire in the midst of her battle. The light then shed maliciously onto another figure, which was riding at full speed toward the knighted Jona, with a pike thrust forward ahead of his horse. Jona franticaly called out warning to her envisioned self, but no words flowed from her mouth. Se violently tried to shake away from the invisiable hands which were forcing her to watch this scene, but to no avail. The pikesman slowly rode ever forward, his pik gleaming violently in the luminious light that shone from the (Holy Knight). Yet, she continued to fight, in slow motion, not even glancing for a second at the death riding towards her. Tears streamed down Jona's face. Her mouth formed inaudiable words of warning that were ment for her knightet self. The pike was at an arms length from her steel clad chest. In the middle of a sword stroke she turned, finding herself staring into the pikeman's piercing eyes. It was too late. Th pike cut through her steel as if it were flesh, embedding itself into her chest. The blow knocked the (Holy Knight) right off her horse and for a split second, she hung from the tip of the pike.
"Noooooooo!!!"
Jona's mournful sobs echoed out into the dreamscape. The pike shaft snapped and the (Holy Knight) landed on the snow-covered ground with an echoing clang. She franticaly clawed at her chest, her body writhing in pain. The snow around her began to turn deep red with blood.
'Mother...Mo...ther...'
Her gurgling words echoed into the bleak landscape. The vison began to blur infront of Jona's eyes.
"Noooo, noooo!!!"
She tried to escape from the invisiable hand's grasp.
I don't want to see anymore! Let me go!!! Nooooo...."

A fourth of this story became my English final my Senior year, granting me an A for the class. =) Man, I want to return to these times in my life. What happend to my inspirtation and stories? I've lost them.... But, I came up with a good idea to get them back. I have yet to come up with my Lenten Dissapline for this year, so, I decided I would take something on this year (last year I gave up desserts). I am going to set apart at leats one hour a day, away from my computer, for drawing and story writing for my own enjoyment. I need to return to this place in my life and tke back something I once enjoyed that has become through the years a part of school work, and thusly shuned by me. Yep, thats one of things I may just do. Well, its kind of late now, and I'm waking up in like four hours to buy snowtubing tickets, so, i think i"ll be heading to bed. Goodnight all!

2004-02-04T15:53:00.000-05:00

New and Improved!

Hello! I've been feeling a little creative lately, so I added some cool little touches to my page. #1.) I changed the name to Sakura Saku. Jenny's Blog was kindof borring. #2.) I added the little falling snowflakes. I though it was cool, and thats my only reason for that one. #3.) Musica: I know that the song for now doesnt match what i post in my blog at the moment, but, its one of my favorite pieces from Spirited Away. And that about wraps things up. I'll write something more interesting tonight, bye!

2004-02-02T13:41:00.000-05:00

Crap

Yeah, so sofar, today has sucked really bad. First, I had to wake up at 7 to go to my fricking 8:00 art class, which i had stayed up untill three in the morning to finish a project for. So, I was really pissed off and tired when I woke up. As I normaly do, I grabed my toothbrush and toothpaste and face soap and went into the bathroom to do my morning routine. It smelled like massive crap in our bathroom, and I almost vomited. Reaching for the lightswitch I recoiled in fear.

GAHHHHHHH@H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHat the hell is that!!!! For the love!!!!! It was exactly what it looks like. A poop smear on Bethany and my lightswitch.... I was so pissed off, I just took my stuff back into the room, threw my jacket on and went to class. Bethany woke up while I was gone, and almost passed out at the site of the horrific mark. Neither of us could figure out how the crap crap could have gotten on the light switch? I mean, it boggles the mind!!! Are our suitemates rabid chimps who fling their poo across the bathroom? How could you not notice that there was that much s*** on your hand and then get some on the lightswitch? Where else could this phantom poo have laid its waste across the bathroom. For the love of all things good, I hope not my toothbrush. Or my shower scrub duckie... or my wash rag and towle.... I think I am going to be sick.... What do you do about such a thing? Do you knock on their door and say, "Excuse me, what is that on our lightswitch?" or "Could you please stop wiping you s*** on the walls?" I am at a loss of what to do about it. I'm so shocked I don't know weather to laugh or cry. Help me!!! Waaaaaa!!!! -_-*

2004-01-30T03:16:00.000-05:00

My Beef with Vera Bradley

What's big, ugly, loud, and hangs from the shoulders of sorority girls? Vera Bradley Bags I do not understand what is so cool and trendy about a bag that you could fit a MINI Cooper in and looks like something you found in your grandma's closet. I mean, for crying out loud, it looks like a fricking diaper bag if anything else and almost every sorority girl I see has one slinged over her shoulder like a mailman. Did I miss the memo about granny bags being in? I don’t even want to know how much these buttugly things cost. Probably like 40 or 50 dollars worth of crap! Now, granted, it would be cool if you were like 40 or had a baby and put all of your baby stuff in their, but I just don’t think they make very attractive school bags or purses. I mean, who has that much stuff anyways? You could hold the entire Playtex factory in that thing and still have room for your lipstick, and your compact, and your private jet. I think they are just ridiculous. Just slide some cash in your pocket and get a backpack like normal college folk. You have years before you have to start looking like a granny. And I'm out.

2004-01-21T20:09:00.000-05:00

Life is Good

Oops, havent posted anything for a while...sorry! (-_-;) It's January, quite possiably one of the coldest, darkest months of the year, and yet, this January has not been that bad for me. Normaly, it is one of the worst. There was a day that I felt a little sad, but I was able to get over it =). And I also got a new computer! The keyboard is smaller than my old laptop, so please excuse any typos which I do not fix. Scott and I are back together, which is awesome, and are happy. =)>) I love him so much! It's nice to know there is one person very close to you ho will always be there. Its quite possiably the event which has lifted my spirits this month. Yes, it will be hard since it will be a long distance relationship, but we are strong and I know we can make it work. I mean, CNU isn't all that far from JMU anyways.

Today was a killer day. I was up untill 3 finishing an art project, which did turn out really cool, which is good. So, I only got about 4 or less hours of sleep last night, and my art class is an eight AM. As you can guess, I got really sleepy, and I headed right for my bed when I got back. But low and behold, the construction behind my dorm comenced right as I laied my tired little head down on my pillow. "BAT BAT BAT BAT" Jackhammers, how lovely. Some how, I guess that I was soo tired that I feel instantly asleep with the help of wind noise by my nature sounds clock. Ahh, nice two hour nap. Then I talked with Scott for a little bit before he and I both headed to our classes. Mine being Foundations of American Education, one of my, no brainer, Education courses I need for my major. We didnt do much, which was good. We got into our groups for the project and disscussed it. Then I went to dinner at Jon's foyer with Emily, Mae, Brendon, Chris, Scott G, and Jon. And now I'm back here, waiting to head over to Canterbury for Compline. So untill next time, Peace Out!!

2003-12-20T22:37:00.000-05:00

I Love You

I'm so happy I don't really know what to say, I'm speachless. So, I guess I'll just ramble on. Scott and I got back together and everything is awesome~! Even though work is crappy, things are still awesome. Thankyou for giving me a reason to smile, I love you. Good night!

2003-12-20T20:31:00.000-05:00

Happy Day

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^_^ Happyness~! I'll write more laters!

2003-11-18T18:09:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, The Most Worthless Day of the Week

Tuesdays are crap, nothing good ever happens on a Tuesday. If you live here in the 'Burg, you know that 99.9% of the time it rains on a Tuesday and Thursday. And low and behold, it was cloudy all day long. It's the kind of cloudy that looks like snow clouds this time of year, but you know it can't be, because it's 50 degrees outside. So yes, no good from that. And this week, not much better. Well, at least for me. My good friends Scott and Lauren got engaged on Saturday. While that's all well and good, and I'm happy for them, it makes me feel old....and alone... What is wrong with me? I'm so f****** serious, what is wrong with me? Someone tell me? I changed who I was in effort to maybe have a relationship and what? Nothing. I started careing what types of clothes I wore, I started careing about how f****** ugly my face is so I started wearing makeup. I grew my hair out long, since that was the only thing anyone ever said was 'beautiful' about me. And for what? Now I'm just overly obsessed about how I look to the world every morning to a breaking point and what is the end result? Nothing. I look around me and everyone seems to have someone, and a future. I would rather even have a problamatic relationship then nothing at all, because even there it seems as if that someone will still be there for you. I am so sick of it, people say, oh, but you're so beautiful. Stop. Number One, most of you are girls and Number Two, you have boyfriends. How can you even say something like that to me? Obviously you know something I don't, so please, share that information with me rather than hopeful stupid lies. I'm so tired to a point where if I wasn't so afriad of.....nevermind....I'm just tired, and nothing looks good in the near future...I have nothing else to say....

2003-11-17T01:37:00.000-05:00

........

Yeah, so, anyone who has a brain who reads my blog can kind of figure out that I do have problems with depression and I have a sinking feeling that this is going to be one of my worse winters by far. It is very hard this year for me to come out of my depression. You may see me put up a happy front at meals or outings, but as soon as I return to the seclusion of my room, my true wellbeing returns to me. In the past I have usualy been able to come out for a day or more and be normal, but this year every day by nightfall I'm in tears. I can't bring myself to do anything, which isn't really a good thing durring the end of the semester. And still as before, every little thing that happens hurts me, and bigger things break me. ::left the room:: Woah! The financial services building across the street caught on fire. I went to go watch it. Its totaly beyond help. The whole roof caved in and the brick turned molten red. It stinks really bad outside too. I probably shouldnt have gone outside, my throat hurts now and I have a headache.....but anyways....yeah, things have been pretty bad....Yesterday was especialy bad....Well, there was a bit of confusion going on. Originaly, it was going to be me, Mike, Bethany, and Maggie going to go see the third Matrix movie. At first I wanted to see it, but then on Saturday, I didn't really feel like it. I didn't have enough money either, but I decided to make due, since everyone else still wanted to go. But then Bethany backed out, but she forgot that she already had plans durring that time Saturday so thats why she didn't want to go. Then Maggie backed out because I had told her that I didn't want to go really, but she still did, but then she changed her mind and went to another movie. At that point, I got mad and said some mean things to Maggie, and then just really didn't feel like going at all. So I told Mike I didn't want to go, and now he wount talk to me because he says I lied....I know I did lie, but I didn't want to hurt anyones feelings by not going....and then I just got so stressed I didn't care anymore and backed down. After that I just sat and cried for a half an hour. When ever I try to make everyone happy, it always blows up in my face. I went and talked to Laura that night too, since I had no one to be with. Later that night Maggie and Emily came over and watched a movie with me and Bethany. Luckly, Maggie wasn't mad at me and she said sorry and I said sorry. But Mike is still mad at me.... Well, I need to go to bed...I don't feel very well...goodnight...I'll write more later...

2003-11-10T23:24:00.000-05:00

Entry

Sorry, I haven't really felt like putting any entries in lately. But, I guess I'll just put one in anyways. The Halloween Party was fun, except no one outside of Canterbury came....oh well, we had fun anyways.
(picture has been removed for now till i shrink it)

Here we are in our costumes: Maggie is a wench, Emily is a Goth, I'm a samurai, and Mae is an Army Girl. It was a potluck party, so everyone brought some kind of food. I made scary punch.
(same here)
It was fun, even old Ben came. He's an alumni currently going to seminary. We miss him.

Then last weekend, we went to DC for my stupid art project. We turned it into a girls weekend to make it more fun. So we left on Saturday after we painted a murral at the children's museum in Harrisonburg we drove to Maggie's house. We stayed the night and went shopping at Tyson's Corner. We as in Maggie, Emily, Lauren and me. Then we went to see Love Actualy, which was good, you should go see it, if you're not a guy. Its definitly a girls movie =P. Then we went back to Maggie's and played DDR, which was funny. Then we went to sleep. The next morning we woke up and went to DC, and then we drove back to the 'burg and got back just in time to go to Canterbury. And that's The End. Today is Monday, which was never good anyway, Tuesday I get a little sideways, Wednesday I feel better just for spite.....woah, ok....stopping now.....bye...

2003-10-18T02:53:00.000-04:00

Angry

Yeah....so I get home for fall break and what happens....everything that has been bothering me lately hits me like a sack of bricks. I'm so angry and sad and the same time I don't really know what to do... Do I cry... do I go for a run, no, can't do that because of the surgery...Do I work out, no, can't do anything like that at all untill I fully heal.... So I have no way to vent my frustrations at all.... So I'm sitting here on the verge of tears, totaly stressed out.... with no one to talk to.... So I guess I will write it in my blog.

First Thing: This may sound dumb, but, my quarter map is missing. I have been colecting the state quarters since the whole thing started and now its gone. I feel like my sisters may have taken it, thinking it was theirs...But I don't know... They go through and take my stuff while I'm at college, which makes me very upset. I love and trust them, but they shatter my trust every time they do crap like this.. It makes me so sad and angry, because I don't know if they touched my map, but I have no reason not to think they did.

Second Thing: Winter is comming... I hate the winter... It's too dark, too cold, and too sad. I think I may have Seasonal Depression, because this happens to me every year. Mid Fall I begin to just feel crappy, overwhelmed, and upset. I don't like to really go out and do anything, though this year I have been forcing myself to ie. go to a movie when I would much rather curl up in my bed and not talk to anyone. Any little thing that hurts me, no matter how small, takes over my life. I often feel like no one loves or cares for me, no matter what people or examples tell me... I just can't defeat the feeling that I suck, that my life sucks, and no one cares for me because I suck, and no one ever will because I just suck.

Third Thing: Scott. No, not Canterbury Scott(s), ex-boyfriend Scott. I could never tell this to his face because I fear hurting people so much that it keeps me from ever standing up for myself. The truth is, I lied. I was never ok with this "Time Out" thing... Because I loved you... I looked past your faults and loved you. I didn't openly care about you messing around with other girls because I loved you, and I wasn't going to let some stupid middle schooler distroy that. I didn't care that I always paied for your way into movies because I loved you, and would never ask for that favor returned. You never bought me useless gifts, but I didn't want any, because you didn't need to give me anything but yourself. I don't know why I did, but I loved you... I just did, you were fun to be around, you made funny jokes and wonderful poetry, and were a great singer, you shared the same morals as I do, and you were the one I most connected with that summer when I accepted Christ as my Savior. And I don't know what the f*** happend....

In my entire life I have only ever had three boyfriends, the last two happening in the past two years. The second I stopped, because at the time it didn't feel right, it felt rushed and everything happend so fast and I didn't feel like going that fast. And it was that same summer I entered into the Christian faith and I didn't feel like our relationship was Christ centered, so I eneded it. And I have never felt worse about something I have done in my entire life. Greg has never answered any of my letters, not one. I have no idea where he is or what he is doing. He was my good friend and now he's gone. I sit and cry about this often...because I don't like hurting anyone, no matter if they are my best friend or worst enemy.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I can never have a true, two way, equaly loving relationship, and I'm f****** 19 years old. My sisters have had more boyfriends than I probably ever will have. I look around me and there are people my age getting married, engaged, or at the point of getting engaged and I haven't ever had a single relationship that has lasted. What is wrong with me... Am I not worth that?....Probably not...... I'll most likely finish college without ever dating anyone from college, live in an apartment by myself and remain Ms. E for my entire teaching career. Because I'm f****** ugly, and it's just going to get worse. I'm short, I have brown hair and absolutely nothing desireable. NOTHING. I am worthless. Now I know some of you will be saying, "we love you.", most of you will be girls or really good guy friends that I don't like 'that' way, in this situation, those words mean nothing. Some of you will say, "God loves you". I know that, and thats all that keeps me from going out of controll now. Sometime I think irrationaly and say to myself, "then why am I misserable all the time. Yes, I have happy moments, but they are just moments, the rest is sadness."

Well, that's about all I think I can write for now....I'm pretty much in tears at this point....I think I'll go to bed...goodnight... (if the spelling is messed up, I dont care, I dont feel like fixing it)

2003-10-15T16:23:00.000-04:00

Boring Wednesday

Yeah, today has been pretty boring. It's cold and windy outside and it makes you not really want to venture out there. Its been like that all day, even as I walked to my 8am German class. Blaaa..... Then I took a nap for three hours untill my next class, my 3d Foundations class. since I can't walk long distances untill the incision heals, one of my friends in my art class drove me. Of course the stupid train then comes and we have to waite like 20 min. untill its passes. Then we had to go find a stupid parking space in the gravel lot, which took another five min. Then we finaly got to class. I made a pillow case for my next project, I brought my little sewing machine. Then we were able to leave early, and thats where I am now, in my dorm room. Just sitting here untill it's time for dinner. The one fun thing that will happen today: Pirates of the Caribbean. I haven't seen it yet, so it aught to be fun. They're handing out eyepatches, heh. $2.50 a ticket, can't beat that, except the on-campus theater used to be $2.25....stupid JMU. Well, I think thats all for now, maybe I'll go nap some more. (-_-)zzz See ya!

2003-10-12T22:19:00.000-04:00

Ack! Hospital!

As probably everyone who ever reads this blog of mine knows, I was in the hospital last week. Since the weekend of the 26-28 of September, I had been having this strange sharp pain in my right side. I didn't really know what to think of it at first, but during that week after, it began to hurt worse. Some of my friends asked their doctor dads and moms about it and I got the same answer, go to the hospital. I was kinda scared to go to the hospital, so I just called the health center and they gave me an appointment for that Friday, the 3rd of October. I started to feel really sick and nauseous on that Thursday, and it got almost unbearable that night during Bible study. I curled up on the couch and I couldn't concentrate on anything that was going on. I felt like I was going to throw-up a few times, and I disappeared to the bathroom. By the end of Bible study, it was unanimous; I needed to go to the hospital. So Laura, Emily, Maggie, Scott, Lauren and I went to the hospital at 9:30 that night. I had to fill out a ton of paperwork while trying not to puke. Then we went and waited in the waiting room with this little light up thing that would tell me when I could be seen, like those things you get in restaurants. We played Trivial Pursuit, well I was watching because I didn't feel like playing. Then I got called back and was seen by a doctor. During one of the waiting times all the girls came back with me and we talked and Maggie stole latex gloves and a bed pan. It was really funny. They ruled out appendicitis, so I then had to go get an ultrasound to see what could be wrong. I had to wear a catheter, which sucked. They discovered that my right ovary had a cyst on it and had twisted it self up, which is called ovarian torsion. It required emergency surgery, and I couldn't be guaranteed that I wouldn't loose my ovary. I was really scared, not just cause I could loose my ovary, but because I was scared to go under. I don't know...I was just afraid of dying... and my parents weren't there and everything was crazy. The hardest part was right before I had to go back for surgery. Everything was going so fast and I barely had a chance to say goodbye. I was crying, which probably just made everyone else cry even more. But it felt good to have so many friends who love me so much. Then I had to take off all my jewelry, including my cross, which was really hard because I hadn't taken it off since I was baptized last December. I was already super upset so I just cried some more. But my friends all gave me comforting words that made to much easier to get a grip and not be afraid. Then I had to take off my contacts and I went back to surgery. I couldn't see a thing, so it was even scarier. But the nurses were nice and talked with me. Then I got my iv and they put something in it which made me not sleepy, but kinda like in a drugged state, and I was just happy I guess. Then they took me back into the OR and I had to get onto the table and they strapped my arms to these table things, I was so drugged out I didn't care. Then I guess they gave me anesthesia and I tried not to fell asleep, but I did anyways. Then I remember waking up on my side and they rolled me over and I talked with the nurses, I don't remember what I said except that my voice sounded like Froggy from the Little Rascals. Then they rolled me up to my room and everyone was there to see me. I was still kinda drugged but I think I said hi to them. I don’t remember much of the rest of that night, except that my parents and everyone was there and Maggie brought me balloons and one was a Batman one and she gave me her glasses so I could see them. Then Emily and Mae and Bethany came, and this part I don’t remember, but I said, "I got Morphine" to them and they laughed. Then everyone else came I guess and then I went to sleep. My mom stayed with me. The next day I woke up and they gave me a liquid breakfast. It was good, until I ate the Jell-O. Then they took my blood, because I had a fever and my heart rate was up and they needed to see if I was bleeding internally or not. Then right the frick after they tried to get me to sit up in bed. Bad idea. I mean, even I well person can't get right up after someone takes their blood. I got super dizzy and nauseous and started to make the motions to throw-up, but I didn't. Then they drugged me again so I wouldn't be nauseous, which made me pass out. The only other times I remember people coming was when Mae and Emily brought me my beta fishies present and Bethany and Mike brining me my flowers. I know other people came, but I was so drugged I don’t remember. Sorry guys! That night I tried to sit again, this time I could do it ok. I got to sit in a chair near my bed. Then a bunch of Canterbury kids came and ate dinner with me and watched trading spaces. Then I went to sleep again. That night sucked. They woke me up and took my vitals like they always did like every two hours, but this time my heart rate was up again, so they had to take my blood again. The girl totally messed up and couldn't find my vain and turned my arm purple. Then another nurse came and took the blood from my hand. That hurts like a mother. I still have the bruises on my hand right now. And from then on they had to take blood from my hand because my arm was too bruised to find the vain. Then on Saturday I was feeling a lot better, I got to take the catheter out, which was having problems anyway and it feels like you have a tampon on wrong and its all uncomfortable, so that was good. Then I got to take a shower, and put my real clothes on and then I got to go home. Everyone came to say good bye to me and I got to ride in a wheel chair. Being at home was cool, because I couldn't walk around because of the stitches. I got to watch TV and sleep on the couch, which was about all I did. My Godmother came and visited me as well as my friend Diana and they gave me a Bear from the Build-a-Bear Workshop and cool Japanese foods and other stuffs. My Grandma came too and she brought me chocolates. On Wednesday I was feeling a lot better and I returned to school. I still have a hard time going up and down stairs and I'm not aloud to ride my bike or go to UREC for a month, which sucks. Now I have to walk a half an hour to get to my art class. Maybe I can get a ride from someone.

I am so blessed with a ginormus amount of good friends, even friends who are guys who will suck up their manliness and take me to the OB-GYN for follow-up's without any whining. I love you guys soo much! I don't know what I would have done with out you guys. Knowing that so many people love me made it so much easier to have the surgery. I can't believe everyone stayed the whole time, which was until like 5 in the morning, just to make sure I was ok. Words can't explain how much I love you guys, so if I randomly hug you, that’s why. I'm just so happy to have friends like I have here at school. I'm sorry if I made any of you really sad or worried or upset. But I'm fine now and part of the reason is because of you! BAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! ***ONE MILLION HUGS***

Ok, gota get my work done... LUV YA!!!

2003-09-21T21:07:00.000-04:00

The Blog of The New School Year

Wooot! Ok, this i promise will be the start of the blogging of my future, this year I will try to get at the very least one blog per week in. Ok, yes, now I will start talking about stuffs. The summer was awesome! And the highlight, Otakon! Otakon was an absolute blast! I got to staff this year, which was fun! I was able to go to all the main events, like the concert, the music videos and the cosplay. Much happyness. This summer I bought myself a sewing machine and I created my first totaly by myself made costume, Motoko from Love Hina. I am especialy proud of it, since the pants required lots and lots of pleating. And its not half bad! I'll post a picture or a link up sometime. Yes, so we has alot of fun! We as in me, Brittany, Rich, Diana, Dhyan, Rachael, Steve, and Vince, wheew! Did I forget anyone? Much fun times! Can't waite 'till next year! This summer I also got to go to Florida with my family for 10 days. Much funness again! Coolest thing that happend in Florida, my uncle, my dad, and I caught a 7ft black tip shark off the beach! Dun da... dun da... dun da..dun da. dun da dunn da dundadunda!!!!!!!!!! heheheheh, my sisters wouldn't go back in the water after that one. My uncle is a fisherman, so he knows how to cook up sharks and stuff, so we had shark the next night for dinner, yum yum!

Well, how about school so far you say? Well, not much has happend so far, except for the hurricane, Isebel. Before I talk about Isebel, I'll tell you about stuffs about before. I've been making some cool stuff in art class. I made a giant Domo-kun teacup! its about 3 feet in diameter and 2 feet tall. I guess its cool, other people like it but me, not so much. Our next project is to make repetitive found object sculptures. Mine is going to be made from Q-tips, spiraling upward. Oh yeah, I'm cool. *NO! YOURE NOT!* heh. Then there was Isebel. Not too much happend that wasn't expected. All the areas of campus that are subject to flooding flooded, the duke dog ally that goes under the highway had 2 feety of water in it, some big pine trees got up rooted, I got soaked everytime I went outside (by the way, I had to buy a rain coat, wich ended up being a sketchy townie camo rain poncho because none were left), and it was very windy. I took some pictures of the dammage. We all had sleep overs and such, lots of fun! and thats about it for now. I got a new fishie, it is a bumble bee gobie, named gobie. He is narcaleptic. Ok, I have to go make sculptures out of Q-tips now, Nite!

2003-08-03T20:55:00.000-04:00

Woah! An Entry!

Ok.... yeah.... I suck at putting entries in durring the summer...work sucks...i always have to close...and my sisters are always on the computer, 24/7. But, Its almost time to go back to school, so no more work...but no more nonschool friends either... I feel so bad, I haven't really gotten to do anything this summer with my friends because of work...But, I'll get to hang with the at Otakon, that should be fun. It's the big East Coast anime convention....very cool. We leave Thursdayness.

Yesterday I went to Maggie's for her bday party. We had fun watching movies, playing games, and making a sparkler bomb. Heh heh >=). I spent the night to go to church with her today and help her talk about Canterbury at her church. It was fun...but I got distracted cause I couldnt stop almost lauging at the clergy, their vestments made them look like they were from the matrix. It was amusing, just needed some sunglasses.

I was sad this week because my churches youth group went on beach week and I couldnt go with them...It was really hard for me, especialy since it was at beach week this time last year that I acepted Jesus Christ as my Savior...and I wanted to go with them and feel like I was reliving that week again....i really wish I could have gone...maybe next year... well, im done typing now...i miss my Scizzott... you better come to kon...bye!

2003-07-02T23:46:00.000-04:00

The Belated Blog Entry

Ok, for some reason, I have a major problem with remembering to update my blog. I never remember to write anything, untill like a week after something cool has happend, so work with me people!( you know who you are, not to mention any names or anything, *cough* Mike H. *cough*) ANYWAYS, yes, last monday was my b-day, and the weather was perfect and we all went to Cameron Run water park. It was great, cept I suck at following directions, so my car got lost. Luckly, we didnt die or anything. Yes, we all had fun, the wave pool was awesome, cept Maggie and I were alittle too short to survive in the deep end, so we got an innertube, it was the jennymaggieinnertubeofawesomeness. So we didnt drown. There was also a water shroom, and Maggie and I ran under it, and then I hugged Scott and made a Jenny print, that had to have been in the top 10thingsthatwerefunnythathappendatmybdaypartylist. Maggie and I also soaked Jon when he was tanning, and he then resorted to sitting on Maggie's floppy staw hat. Then we all got stuck in rushhour traffic going back to my house. My car was the last to get there, yet again. -_-; Then we ate hotdogs and hamburgers and played bordgames and ddr for hours. I am definitly bringing Moods with me to school this Fall. Absolutely out of control game. I got so many cool presents! My friends love me! Some....alittle too much, and you know who you are and I know where you live and I have killer kendo skills to lay the smackdown with. You guys are so out-of-control, but I still love you anyways. Yes...anyhoo, It was a great party and I'm glad everyone who could come came. And those who couldn't, sorries you could come, we still love you!

What else has happend....Um...I work....fold towels for eight hours a day....handel monies..."thankyou have a nice day".... that is my life...when I'm not on my day off. I got ddr pads with my massive amount of store credit at GameStop, so thats what I do all day long with my sisters when I'm not with my Scizott. Or Im playing Harvest Moon for ps2, cause i am an uberdork. I cant wait till FFT comes out on advance! So excited! YEYEYEYEYEYEYYEYEYYEYEYYEYEYEY
YEYEEYYEYYEYEYYEYEYYEYYYEYEYYYEYEYYEY!!!!.....what else is happening....oh yeah! Im going ton vacation next wednesday to visit my grandparents in Florida. Hopefuly it will not be raining, or hurricaning, or any crappyness like that. Yes, thats about all that has happend lately. Today, I went to the dentist, thought I was going to die because the hygenist scraped my teeth and gums with that pick thing so hard i thought I was going to passout or die or something. Then, since my dentist is right next to FairOaks mall, my mom and my sisters and I went there afterwards. Bethany, my roommate met us there too. But the stupid power was out and all the cool stores were closed. Well, I got a shirt from PacSun and some zorri-looking sandals. Bethany gave my my bday present, the Castle in the Sky DVD. YEY! I wanted that!!! Watched it as soon as we got home. Very cool. Okays, done with typeing now. Bye!!!

2003-06-19T21:14:00.000-04:00

Thursdayness

Blaaa, hmm, didn't really do anything worth writting about in my blog today. But I haven't written anything for quite a while, so, I'll write from a 'this happend last week' sort of view. Well, I worked, yes, like always. But I did have days off. On those days off I hung out with Scott =). (for all you Canterbury peeps who read my blog, its not the Scott you all know) On Monday, my mom was supose to leave me her car, but she forgot. Poop. So I had to walk to Robinson to meet up with Scott to go have lunch at McDonalds. So yes, we went to McDonalds and got lunch, but got back alittle late. Oops. Well, luckly Mr. Connoly is a cool guy, and didn't get mad at him. After scool got out, we were planning on seeing a movie, but the one we wanted to see would have started by the time we got to the theater, so, we went to the mall instead. And just walked around, looked at stuff, and had fun =). On Tuesday, we went to the mvies to see Bruce Allmighty. *}this next part will be left out and replaced with the following{* We had fun. It was a good movie, I'd recomend it. =) Yes... anyways, the rest of the week I had to work, but, we got to get together before I went to work one of the days. Blaaaa, I hate closing. Then, I went to his gradparty on Saturday. I was cool too. We got to talk, and I got him some stuff for college, like a lap desk, a cool magnetic picture frame, and a bath basket. Afterwards, we played with his little cousins. Even though he though I would have felt dorky playing with them, I didn't at all. I love playing with little kids. They make some cool toys these days. Like these little knights and pirates toys that we were playing with. I also learned that little kids can be pretty morbid, heh. Like, there was this little island where were were keeping the gold and the knights and all the girly toys lived there, and then, there was the funeral table. I dont know why that was so funny, but it was. Guess it's one of those things you have to be there for. I had alot of fun tht night. And then, Sunday I went to church, duh, and Scott sang a solo, which was really good. Then we all played ddr for a while afterwards, heh. We play ddr at my church. So yes, there's last week for you. This week, we've all been really busy, so we havent been able to get together this week, which is understandable with graduation and all. And then i work, blaaa, closing again. Hopefuly, we'll all get to go cosmic bowling or something this weekend, or Friday. Yep yep. So thats what's been happening to me, Oh, and my Bday is Monday, so I've been doing things for it this week too. And then I just do stuff online, like funny quizzes and talk to people and Scott.

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heh, like this quiz. Ok, I'm done now! Harry Potter in ONE DAY WOOT! See ya!

2003-06-09T13:45:00.000-04:00

Super 'Spirit Sunday!

Ok, I know this fits in more for what happend yesterday, but yesterday was so eventfull, I didn't have time to write! =) Well, like every Sunday, I wake up at 7:30 to get ready to go to church. Well, since for the past 4 days in a row I've closed at Bed Bath and Beyond(which means I'm there 'till 11pm) I havent got much sleep. I almost decided to go to the 11:00 service instead of the 9, but since I was already awake, I decided to go. On this particular Sunday, I had to sit all by myself, since the Michel's were out of town. It was the first Sunday of Pentecost, which is the season that is known for the celebration of the day which the Holy Spirit touched ordinary people, (Acts 2: 1 - 41)When the disciples had gathered, the Holy Spirit came down from heaven in tongues of fire and rested on the heads of everyone in the room. All the people began to speak in every language that had ever been heard in Palestine at that time. It was neat, since the second lesson was read in several differnt languages, like French, sign language, and some others I had never heard of before. But on this particular Sunday, I was moved to tears by the service. I can't even explain it. It just happened, and I couldn't control it either. I was kinda imbarrassed, but, oh well. I talked to Michael Pipkin (one of the rectors at my church) after the service. I told him about how I cried durring the service, and I couldn't realy explain why. We figured it was probably a mixture of things, most of which of course was the Holy Spirit. Hey, it was the first day of Pentecost. Other things I figured (since when I get upset, I normaly load on more and more things that bother me) tht could have made me upset was I feel that I have been having alot of isses lately. I am strongly missing everyone from school, especialy my friends from Canterbury and fellowship that we shared. I miss having such a strong connection with those people, and without it I feel lost. I also feel lost in my job. My original plan was to work for Laura, the chaplain of Canterbury, over the summer, helping her take care of her kids while she works at Shrinemont. I felt so strongly about doing this, no matter what I would get payed. I felt that I would be doing a little of God's work...but that all got shattered to pieces when my parents found out and threw a huge fit about it, and said things to me that I would rather not put into this blog, or even think about....anyways, so now I'm stuck being a cashier at Bed Bath and Beyond where I dont feel like I'm helping anyone at all, except make big CEOs become even richer. If I had worked for Laura, I would have been able to go on my family vacation and get to also go on my youth group's beach week...but now only one of those things can happen, and I dont realy have a choice. So all my plans have been destroyed and I have to start all over again. But, Michael pointed me in the right dirrection to fix this lost feeling that I have. He is going to start up a Bible study for all returning home college students every Wednesday at 7:00pm. That way we all have a place to go to and feel a part of things again. Second, he said that he would try and fit me in as a sub in the lector secdual or the choir, but the choir season is almost over, but that way I would be able to take a part in the church services, just as I did away at college. The last thing, which I didn't mention to Michael, that has been realy pulling at my heart lately is the issue with Greg, my ex-boyfriend. I broke up with him in October, and he has not answered any of the letters I have ever written to him, not even the one where I asked him to please just send me an email saying he was ok, since alot of people I know who are in ROTC were being deployed for the Iraq conflict. He didn't even answer me then. I was becomming realy worried, and realy sad...not being sure If I had done the right thing. So I had been praying to God to please give me an answer, or to just calm me and help me to stop worrying myself to death over the situation. I asked all my friends for their opinion, which universally was if he doesn't answer, you dont need him back. Well, on Saturday night, before I went to bed I prayed for got to just give me a sign weather I was right or not...or I was going to call Greg. Well...sometimes if you put your heart into things, He'll answer you, lightning fast.

After I got off of work, I went to my church for the SYF party. I knew it would be almost over when I got there, but, something just told me to go anyways, no matter how tired I was or how much my feet hurt. So I did, and all my old friends were there, and luckly they hadn't left yet. I grabed a 'buger and sat down and talked with everyone. Brittany was there and she told me about ther new job she had finaly got. Well, Brittany left, and normaly I would have followed suit, but something told me to stay. So I said goodbye to her and I went back to hang out with Vince, Nick, and Scott W., in the library, the church library. Ok, dont get any ideas, nothing like that happend, except for some fake making out with Scott when Pipkin came in, and some near depantsing =P. LOL that just made me thing of Maggie and the Department of De-pants! Anyways After that, pretty much everyone left except for Nick, Scott, and me. Since we got kicked out of the church, it had to be locked up so Pipkin could leave, we sat outside to talk. And talk. And talk. We talked about so manny things, from graduation, to politics, and even to, ahem, sex. I didn't start it, I swear 0=). Well, we were infront of a church, and we came up with some pretty Christian-like decisions on stuffs, so it was all good. Well, that whole night Scott and I were flirting alot, and you know, everyone has a thing for my buns of steel. Then, it was getting kinda late, so we all got up to go, and I forget what exactly brought it up, but, Scott asked me out! I was like, woah! really? I was soo shocked I didn't realy believed him at first and I stupidly said back, "if you want to go out with me." Yeah, go me....I suck at these things. And, of course I picked things up and I said yes. I can't believe i! I sooo siked! I have had such a crush on him. You guys know me, dark hair, tall, glasses. Oh yeah..... The crush only increased durring beach week. He is such a great singer...=P I also felt a strong connection with him. We seem to have the same ideas on stuff, and simmilar problems at home. Funny, we also were partnerd up to make a baby together, a flour bag baby. It had some viking, manly name, I dont remember. Heh, we had to take it with us when we went to the beach, we put it into a beach bag and put a towel over it so the adults wouldn't see that we all were neglecting them. Heh. I'm soo happy I don't know what else to say. =). Well, I gota go now, I'm meeting him up at Robinson so we can go hang out after he gets out. Peace!

2003-06-04T23:13:00.000-04:00

Back at Home

Oops, I haven't written anything for a while. Well, I'm back home for the summer, yey! And I have a job...i guess thats a good thing. Sometimes it is... the managers like to place alot of blame on me for things they did. Grrrrr....But, I'm broke and need some cash. Where on earth is the sun?! I haven't seen an entire sunny day since the day I left JMU. It's June, and the temperature isn't even above 60. I hope It will start getting nice. All this rainy weather is making me depressed. And I hope I wount have to work crazy hours all the time at work. I don't have any time to hang out with anyone. It feels like no one wants to call me cause I'm probably at work... =( Well, maybe things will get better soon.... G'nite

2003-05-08T12:46:00.000-04:00

I Am Totaly Out of Control

Yes....I was totaly out of control yesterday...I was on a dnL induced caffeine high at 10:45 and Bethany left me all alone....so I tortured her stuffed animals...yes...I tied them up by the feet and hung them over her bed, gagged, while my duck and rabbit-with-sharp-pointy-teeth tickle tortured them with a feather while drinking dnL's while listening to 'Country Roads' in Japanese. Oh yeah...much hilarity insued. It was great. Ok, thats all I can write for now, more to come later!

2003-04-26T12:50:00.000-04:00

Make Way For Ducklings

Ok, this is more of a journal for yesterday, but I didn't have time to write anything. I got to help save a duck family yesterday. A mother duck laid her eggs in the bushes in front of my dorm and they hatched on Thursday. Since these bushes are kind of surrounded by a courtyard, she couldn't figure out how to get to the water with out jumping over a wall. She kept jumping on top of the wall, expecting her babies to follow her, but of course ducklings can't fly, so her idea wasn't working. I called the Wildlife Authority and they said that if the mother duck did not stop trying to get her babies over the wall, she would get stressed out and abandon them. So the said that I could catch the mother in a towel and put her over the wall and then catch her babies in a towel and put them over the wall. So, I called afew of my friends, Ben, Brendon, and Mae, and asked them to help me out. Ben and Brendon scared the mom so they could get her and Mae and I kept them from leaving from under the table. Thye Mother happend to fly over the wall and I quickly scooped up the babies in a towel and put them over the wall. And they all walked away to the water. Um.... some other things happend after that, concerning the male ducks, but, in the end she found her mate and swam away with the babies following them. So, hopefuly she doesn't come back and get stuck again.

Afterwards, I went on a retreat with Canterbury, which originaly was a campout in Luray, but it became a lock-in at the house because of the rain. But it was still fun. We made brownies and had a scavenger hunt inside that was fun. Today I had to leave the retreat early to go to the Write On! reception. It wasn't that long, so I was able to go back for the last bit of the retreat. And them we left, and thats where I am now, back at my dorm. I wanted to go hiking though, but no one will come. So I'll just have to take a nap..... Bye!

2003-04-22T21:49:00.000-04:00

JMU Hates Me

All I can say for today is, JMU hates me. For the second time I have been at this university, they have given me the last day to sign up for classes. Stupid, fat hobbit!!! They're making me behind in credits for my major =-( . I really hope I can get my over rides. I really really really need ART 240, I can't take anything else for my major untill I take that class. *sigh* Maybe things will get better.. But NO!!! I have to go find these professors so I can go get overrides, write a seven page paper for history (the good history class), make up a quiz, get stuff for the retreat, get space for the end of the year picnic, go on the retreat, go to a reception, and wait untill my brain explodes ...ugh! I can't wait untill this year is over! OVER! But...it would be cool If I could stay here. I'm going to miss all of my new friends. And it looks like this summer isn't going to be any better... I just hope I get to do things this summer... unlike most summers.... grrrrrr.... Well, I gota go read some crap for history... see ya...

2003-04-19T15:17:00.000-04:00

Home Sweet Home

Today was the first time I've been home since January. Kinda intersting. We got new carpet, and all the rooms have been redecorated, so everything looks very different. All the windows were replaced as well, which is cool because the old windows were really crappy. So, everything in my house doesn't look a thing like it did in January. But I like my new room, even though I got kicked out of my original room and now stay in my little sister's closet sized room. It got repainted and redecorated so it looks very Japanesey and stuff. Yeah... I think I'm going to go take a nap, I had to wake up this morning to go Job hunting... grrrr... we wouldn't have this problem if my parents weren't so crapalicious about me working for Laura this summer...Well, gota go... I'll maybe put up more later...

2003-04-17T23:56:00.000-04:00

What the Crap?

Yeah.....went to the film festival.....am very offended now.....what the crap.....there was this one film, Erleichda....yeah...didn't like that.....I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and it's another thing to mock other people's religion....but if you're going to put a statement like that at the end of your movie....that's just out of control.....I'm so sad that some people just don't understand.... God doesn't make bad things happen, people do.....I'm realy glad that Jamaal (he was the host) put in that little quote after the film was over, "Your parents will aways love you and always be there for you, but if someone pulls out a gun and kills you right now, it's not your parent's fault.".....yeah....it makes me also so sad and angry at people who proclaim bad theology...because it's kind of like how after 9/11 everyone was afraid and greatly hated Islam, taking these extreemists as being what Islam truely is. People see the angry prechers and the hellfire and brimstone speakers and certain campus groups who tell all non believers that they are going to hell. Thats all people see.... they don't know anything but what they see....all people see in the wrath... It just makes me so sad and frustrated.... who are we to judge people, that is for God and God alone.... these groups make it so hard to give and show the truth and the love when their ears and eyes are covered with anger and hatered. Because thats what it's about, LOVE. Everlasting, unconditional LOVE. I just wish people would see this love through the fire... see the true light and come out from the darkness to join it...someday, I think I'll write a book on this one....Because once that fire blinded me from the true light, and it frighted me. But I let my eyes adjust and looked beyond that fire and saw a gental light, and thusly I lept through that fire and joined the True Light....well, on that I am going to go to bed.

Mike, your film rocked! And it won all the awards in our hearts! And you got the greatest award of all, cool friends like us! We love you!!!

Nite all...

2003-04-17T17:37:00.000-04:00

Woot-iful Day!!!

Yeyness!!!! Ok, one thing I learned today is that I need to read my email more often. Because I have won honerable mention in this year's Write On! contest! Woot!! Of course the reception is on Sat. April 26, so I'm guna have to figure this one out, since the camping trip is that weekend. So, if any of ya'll want to come to the reception, just ask me for more details. Hmm...not much else happend today...I'm eating trail mix, watching guys play basket ball out my window again...Why does it have to be so cold today!? They could be shirtless right now.... WOAH..Ok...ahem... I get to go home tomorrow for Easter. It will be the first time I have been home since January. I hope my dog remembers me... Man, that's the longest I have ever been away from home. Well, after the second week of college it was the longest I had been away from home also, but we'll not dwell on that one. So...yeah, I'm taking the bus home...great. They give the noisest, ricketiest bus to the NOVA kiddos while everyone else gets a better bus. I dont dare go into the bathroom. It could end up like that band trip in 8th grade where the bus toilet overflowed, and someone did #2 in it and it reaked like nothing else on Earth and Fred and I and my other band budds were in the seat right next to it and we dared eachother 5 bucks to go in there and prop the vent open with a pencil. I was 5 dollars richer that day. Oh yeah, good times, good times, except for the reaking part.... Anyways, I'll stop ramb'ling now...Gota go get some eats before the student film festival. Vote for Premonition!!! Woot!!! Ok, peace out!

2003-04-16T17:06:00.000-04:00

What I will Miss Most About Shorts

Yey! My blog works now! Thanks to "The Great Maggie"! Ok, yeah, right now I'm looking out my window, which happens to over look the basketball court. All year out my window I can see guys...playing basketball. It is beautious. And when the weather is nice, they have no shirts. Oh yeah, very nice. There are some out there right now. Quoting Bjork, "Gorgeousness". And out the other window, we have sunsets. Very beautious. Heh, that reminds me of a quote I made up a while ago, doing this same thing,

"We have the best view in the building, Hot guys and sunsets, two of God's most beautiful creations."

Ah yes, those were good times. I'm guna miss these windows....

2003-04-16T16:06:00.000-04:00

I am not a Sales Women

Yes, I have desided that I am not going to ever change my major to buisness or anything like that. Maggie and I tryed to sell candies on the quad for Canterbury today and it just didn't work out. We sold two candy bars, and one of them I ate and bought afterwards. So yes, I suck and selling things. Let's just face it, I'm not a bubbly, come buy things from me because I'm sexy type of person. I can't bother people and be like, "Buy this candy or else!!" I like to just let people buy some because they want too. Well, it was funny when some guy thought we were selling beer.... yes...right... two girls in Canterbury T-shirts are out selling beer on the quad. COME ON!!! HOW STUPID CAN PEOPLE BE AT THIS SCHOOL??? With people like our special new friends I can't see how its supose to be hard to get into JMU. Ok...sorries, I had a little rage... Ok, I'll write more later, have to figure out why this blog isnt working, bye!

2003-04-14T22:01:00.000-04:00

The First Post
Hmm, today is my first blog posting, yey!!! I got board and decided that I would make a blog today. Nothing that interesting has happend to me today. Well, today I was really tired from relay still, that wasn't that much fun. The D-hall was descusting, even though it was one of the choices days. After squeezing through all the families who hadn't a clue what they were doing, I went to Laura's to babysit. They I came back to my dorm room, had dinner again at D-hall (they had parsnip chips) and returned to my roome where I fell asleep untill 9ish. And here I am now, is a daze, writing my first blog....yeah...maybe I'll go to bed early... good night!